DeNewmanization

Other than here and here, I've not written about Newman. Newman is a nuisance. Newman does not cause me any pain or discomfort, other than a trip through the city (usually during rush hour) to visit the Endocrinologist every six months. Contrary to popular belief, Newman isn't even the reason I lost weight - which can be evidenced by the fact that I went off my migraine medicine in January and have gained it all back. Newman and I simply learned to coexist in the same body.

In late March I had the 6 month check up to view Newman, and the little f*cker had grown. Now 10 mm doesn't sound like cause for alarm to me, but then I only play a doctor on the internet. His total mass was now up to 5 cm. I was never good at math, and that metric/standard conversion shit always messes me up, but I think 5 cm is pretty big for something IN YOUR THROAT. He wasn't supposed to grow unless something went amiss, so they did another biopsy. This one came back inconclusive (only because they stuck me with 3 needles for samples, and not 9 like last time). I was off to the surgeon to get deNewmanized.

Last Monday morning at the butt-crack of dawn, Trent and I went to Norman to get Newman out. I was an excellent patient:

And Trent was a cold "someone to drive you home":

The surgery was two hours long, and on the other side, it was not very impressive at all:

I have no memory of post-op or of the above photo being taken. What I do remember is talking to the anesthesiologist BEFORE surgery and telling him that I get sick from the crap and to give me whatever they give you so you don't. I remembered that conversation distinctly every time I threw up from 10 am to 4 pm. 

Back here I mentioned that I thought throwing up immediately after having your belly sliced open and a human pulled from it was the worst thing that could happen. Turns out I was wrong. Throwing up immediately after having your throat sliced open and a Newman pulled from it is considerably worse. 

Here we are, one week later:

I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than 20 pounds for 2 weeks (Ryder weighs 30) but other than that I have no restrictions. They think my 1/2 a thyroid will function fine on it's own, and I won't have to be on medication but they will check the levels in 6 weeks to be sure. It doesn't really hurt, but I hold my head and neck funny to avoid pulling on it, so I have had a stiff neck and headache for a few days. The swelling is down, and the sticky tape can come off in three days. The stitches are inside and the surgeon said the bumps (which are my neck muscles he was "wrist deep digging around in") will smooth out with time.

So with that we close this chapter. Operation DeNewmanization is complete, and I will have the scar to prove it!