Revenge of the Squash

I just recently discovered I like squash. This revelation was very timely, since my in-laws have a garden that yields, on average, a 5 gallon bucket of squash every day. Mom told me I would like it on the grill the same way we make potatoes, and she was right.

Why can't I ever leave well enough alone?!?

Because we were eating it every night, and for the sake of our cholesterol, I thought it might be time to explore other options than "squash dripping in butter". I headed to Pinterest, where I found what I believed to be a quite Yummy Squash Recipe. Why I think I can make these things, I will never know. For your reference, I've highlighted the words that gave me trouble:

I should write the "Anti-Cooking" blog ...

5 Things I Learned While Making Supper Tonight

1) I learned that Prep Time on a recipe is a loosely interpreted suggestion, best accomplished only by the contestants on Chopped! This particular one said the prep work could be accomplished in 20 minutes. First task: dice the squash. The squash is not a vegetable that lends itself well to being cut in shape other than circles. Dice are pretty exact, so I got out the yard stick to ensure my height, length, and width were equal. I was 40 minutes in and only had 1 squash diced. I had to take off half a day of work to finish the other 2.

2)  I learned that size matters. The largest pan I have is not large enough for the ingredients on the recipe. That meant I had to have TWO going at once, each with half the ingredients. All that did was double the madness. My burners are not all the same size, and only one is large, so one pan was way ahead of the other. Chaos ensued. And why can't a pan be a pan? Why does it have to be a skillet? Cooks are pretentious. My large bowl was big enough to accommodate the contents of my two medium skillets. I've never heard of, nor do I own, an 11x7 in baking dish. I know, I measured them all since I had that yardstick handy.

3) I learned that I do not, in fact, know how to saute. I thought I knew what it meant at least; get stuff kinda warm and soft in a liquid. Well let me tell you that 2 tsps of oil in a large pan is not enough liquid to get anything soft. Instead everything got rather hard. Crispy one might say. Bordering on fried. The OPPOSITE of tender. And drain? drain!? Drain conjures up images of a colander (admit it, you are surprised I know that word) in a sink with stuff dripping out of it. Colander my ass. I was wiping my individual diced squash off with a paper towel to get the oil off. Visualize that.

4) I learned I am no where near good enough to substitute ingredients. Going to the grocery story is right up there with a visit to the gynecologist for me, so I try to work with what I have on hand. If you have ever been in my kitchen, you know 'on hand' means mountain dew and ketchup. I didn't have zucchini so I added an extra squash. I didn't have fresh mushrooms, so I used canned. There were others to shameful to mention. On a positive note, I ordered garlic off Amazon to avoid another debacle like this, got to use it for the first time in this recipe.

5) I learned that despite being a strong, capable woman, hearing beeps and seeing E2F3 flash on the display of the stove 10 minutes into my 25-30 minutes of cooking will make me cry. Something is wrong with the stove, and has been for a while. I honestly think it is dirty, I am just too lazy to tell it to clean itself. Whenever anything is cooking at a high temp for about 10 minutes, the stove beeps and flashes the EF error until you turn the temperature down and back up again. Sometimes resetting it works, sometimes you have to do it a few times. We don't cook much in the oven, so I forget it does this. For this dish I did it 14 times, and then stopped counting. I had to do it every 30 seconds or so. I did not see bubbles. Never cry over uncooked squash.

Trent got home and declared the house smelled wonderful. We sat down to eat, and while he said it was delicious, he said he wished the pieces of squash were smaller. Once I removed my fork from his eye, I told him next time he could dice it.

It was even better the next day. And the 4 days after that, since it makes 10 servings.

I am back to not really liking squash.