I took the first photo. They never turn out when you take them of yourself - all distorted and stuff. I took the second one in the mirror. The lighting must have been bad. I took 7 more before it dawned on me that I must really look like that. Terrible. They were all deleted, and I took one of Ryder sleeping to send to Gramma Jill.
I listened in baby class, I have read the books and I have heard countless opinions on the right way to do things. After about 8 weeks of not sleeping more than 6 hours a night and never in stretches of more than 2 hours, I believe your body kicks into some kind of survival mode and whats "right" goes out the window.
Something happened to our baby about a week ago. He does fine during the day, and about 7 pm he turns into some grunting, squawking, kicking, screaming, crying child that is inconsolable. He wants to eat all the time, until he gets a bottle or I try to nurse him. He doesn't need to burp. His diaper is clean. He is just pissed off at the world. We have tried switching formula, switching bottles, warming the milk, holding him on our chest, holding him in our arms, not holding him at all - rocking, walking, riding, swaddling, not swaddling ... nothing works. This goes on all night. About 6 am he nurses and falls asleep.
While this is all very frustrating and clearly not conducive to my beauty rest, we are managing through. But I go back to work in 2 weeks, and I will be expected to form complete sentences which at this point in time I am not sure I can do. We go to the doctor on Monday for his 2 month visit - hopefully they have some more good advice on something that is both right and that works.
Until then, there will be no photos taken of me.
That, my friends, is a REAL smile. Kind of.
Beautiful
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